The Vagina Monologues
By Eve Ensler
Directed by Gina Roma
Footlights Theater, Orlando FL

Just the title “Vagina Monologs” brings fear into the hearts of people who spent most of gym class discussing nothing but the female nether region. Deliberately provocative sub-titles do little to salve the fears of those who fear talking about sex outside of the context of afternoon trash TV, but this production mixes high minded ideals with spotty acting to add members to the Vagina Warrior Tribe. The monologs derive from extensive interviews with women over several years and several continents. There are first person stories like “The Flood” (Rebecca Colburn) which describes the horror of a young girl’s first period. Having to on her first date so embarrasses her she spends rest of her life ignoring her “Down There.” Other monologs composite many interviews into one story like the “Wear and Say List”. Here women were asked how they would dress their vaginas, and if it could speak 2 words, what would they be? A few were deeply disturbing, including “My Vagina Was My Village” (Carol Palumbo) which recounts horrors of massive and organized rape in the Bosnian War. And more that a few celebrated sex as a defining element of life, such as the erotic “The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could” (Jackie Marshall) that tells of a 16 year old girl’s first lesbian encounter. There was even an allegory of New Orleans as America’s Vagina in “They Beat The Girl Out of my Boy…Or So They Tried”, which was the most interesting if most tortured analogy I’ve run into recently.

This show raised funds for Speaking Out About Rape, and was part of the V-Day project. It’s worth seeing no matter what your position might be in the battle of the sexes. Alternately charming, disturbing and silly, we all have relations with vaginas, and shouldn’t keep them hidden. At least not among friends, anyway.

For more information on V-DAY, please visit www.vday.org

For more information on Speaking Out About Rape, please visit www.soar99.org

For more information on the Footlights Theater, please visit http://www.theparlimenthouse.com or http://www.Wanzie.com

The Musical of Musicals: The Musical!
By Eric Rockwell and Joanne Bogart
Jester Theater Company
The Garden Theater, Winter Park, FL

Orlando’s Jester Theater continues its program of theatrical Manifest Destiny by spreading the highly successful “The Musical of Musicals: The Musical!” across the state. They’ve abandoned the basketball-friendly Studio Garage Theater and captured the shiny new Garden Theater in Winter Garden. Perhaps you saw this wonderful parody of the American Musical Theater by Eric Rockwell and JoAnne Bogart recently. If not, it’s worth the drive up the turnpike to witness every significant American Musical rolled up into one big production. The plot is basic – “I can’t pay the rent” is the mantra of Natalie Cordone (as June, Jeune, Junie Fay, Junita, and Juny), and “You must pay the rent” is the unfettered capitalistic cry from the lonely but evil Kevin Kelly (as Jidder, Jitter, Mr Jitters, and the mysterious Phantom Jitter.) Ms J gets advice from Kate O’Neil’s (as 5 variants on Abbey) and romantic rescue from Todd Allen Long as five charming leading men.

It helps if you’re familiar with the lesser known works of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Steven Sondheim, and the duos of Kander and Ebb or Rogers and Hammerstein. That’s a lot of names, but a lot of song snippets and in jokes pepper the evening, all leading up the big “Show ‘Em the Hat” finale. Backed with Jim Rhinehart’s rollicking piano playing, this show is consistently good, and consistently entertaining. Best of all, the setting is a joy; this new theater has classic acoustics, clear sightlines, and still smells of paint and carpet cement. It also has the most powerful hand driers in the southeast, and adds new meaning to the term “hypersonic flutter.”

For more information on Jester Theater Company, please visit http://www.jestertheater.com

Information on The Garden Theater may be found at http://www.wgtheatre.org

The Sweetest Swing In Baseball
By Rebecca Gilman
Directed by Fran Hilgenberg
Starring Jamie-Lyn Hawkins
Theatre Downtown, Orlando FL

So, are you hip enough to get into the Artist Club? Funky hairdo, overpriced leather jacket, and a tattoo of a Matisse on your butt are a start, but until you can explain the difference between “Figurative” and “Giclee”, you might as well buy your culture at the Sears. Diane Fielding (Hawkins) flames out early and this evening’s gallery customers drinking cheap white wine in plastic cups aren’t buying. Looks like we need critics to explain what art means before we can love it or regard it as random pots of paint tossed on the canvas.

A mistrustful relation with her boyfriend and a tendency towards psychosis leads to a suicide attempt and relocation to the Discount Looney Bin. It turns out psychosis is just another club with different jargon and tougher entrance requirements. “Multiple Personality Disorder”, “Manic Depressive” and “In Recovery” are the code words, and status revolves around your insurance carrier. Dana likes it in here, it’s safe and no hard decisions need be made. Dana finds mentors in psychotic stalker Gary (Dean Walkuski) and professional alcoholic Michael (Doug Shorts). They show her the ropes, and when she adopts the personality of baseball ledged and train wreck Darryl Strawberry, they brief her on baseball stats and lingo. There are clubs everywhere, if you look hard enough.

There’s plenty to contemplate on this concrete gray stage full of empty frames designed by Paul Horan. Dana finds a mirror to her real world life in the asylum, seeing distant yet controlling authority in Lori McCaskill as both gallerist Rhonda and therapist Dr Gilbert. Mr. Walkuski gave a surprisingly strong and active performance, including an excellent rant on the subject of art that pretty much summarizes the show’s central theme. Marcie Schwalm represents Concern, and as Dana’s only true friend in real life (Ericka) and in asylum life (Dr Stanton), she continues to care through the deep abyss of mental illness. The genuinely likeable character falls to Doug Short – even with the distraction of his really noticeable tattoo can be forgiven in his portrait of the friendly, not-that-self-destructive alcoholic.

There’s plenty of humor in what might be a real downer of a story, and that keeps us in the world of the surreal without needing to deal with the real tragedy that might overtake “Sweetest Swing.” The only rough spot is Dana’s transition to Darryl. It drops out of the sky, and seems weakly motivated, but once Dana starts Working Her Program, everyone buys in, at least enough to keep Dana safe and sound until she finds her own way forward. The minor question, though, is left unanswered – is a portrait of a chicken in a baseball hat standing in the outfield “Real Art?” Or is it the sort of temporary kitsch that you’ll set out on the curb one morning? When you tire of it, call me first, I like pictures like that.

For more information, please visit http://www.theatredowntown.net

What You Don’t Know About Women
Musical Direction by Christopher Leavey
Starring Heather Alexander and Luerne Herrera
Winter Park Playhouse, Winter Park, FL

None of us know that much about women, but not for lack of trying. The obsession with shoes, a deep need to move heavy furniture, and the weepy moments when watching Oxygen – all a complete mystery. That make Winter Park Playhouse’s attempt to clarify so heartwarming, even if they restrict the lecture to selections from lesser known musicals. In this low keyed musical evening, Heather Alexander and Luerne Herrera sing an enthusiastic explanation, backed up by the ever watchful Chris Leavey. The selection intentional aims for solid songs rarely sung, even if Ms. Herrera’s version of the Judy Garland standard “Come Rain Or Shine” sneaks past the censors. Later we learn that the slutty “Everybody’s Girl” comes form a show called “The Steel Pier” as Ms. Alexander sings it with more gusto than a girl should show in front of her hubby.

Some women turn to alcohol, others to chocolate, and while Ms. Alexander threatened to get a drink from the bar, she held onto her professional standards. Ms. Herrera, however, folded to her baser desires and ate most of a box of chocolates while singing “On My Own.” While her vocalization was none too clear, it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on stage. You may not learn much about women, but this much is clear: Chocolate is always the right size and color, and never gets returned.

For more information on Winter Park Playhouse, visit http://www.winterparkplayhouse.org

Bathory – The Blood Countess
Written and Directed by John DiDonna
Starring Peg O’Keefe, Nicky Darden, Samantha O’Hare, John DiDonna
Empty Spaces Theater Company at the Orlando Shakespeare Festival

Jesus, like the king had little to say about anything in 16th century Hungary. As a long war with the Ottomans wound down, authority rested in the hands of whoever lived in the castle and priests were in no position to censure their masters. Rugged terrain, isolation, and mysticism made any action justifiable and nearly impossible for a weak central authority to rout out. Countess Bathory may be the worst of the lot, but I doubt she was unique. Her particular hobby was beating peasant girls to death and bathing in their blood. Bad as that sounds, it’s the gossip that upset the king – Hungary wanted acceptance in a larger Christian Europe and Countess B was an embarrassment. King Matthias became so disgusted he sent is Minister Lord Thurzo (DiDonna) to tighten up royal discipline. The Bathory name was most important – Count Bathory fought with the king to oust the Turks, and if something wasn’t done to keep up appearances, it might be hard to get in the European Union later on.

Murder required Motive, Opportunity and Method. In this dark and disturbing production, Countess Bathory is played simultaneously by three actresses. Innocent Bathory provides motivation – she’s bullied by a domineering mother in law (Peni Lotoza,) seduced by her cousin Klara (Babette Garber), and goaded by the local witch coven. When you’re bored by Sodom and hubby is far away at war, murder seems a reasonable weekend sport. Stateswoman Bathory (Peg O’Keefe) shows us Opportunity – clever enough to conceal her actions and viscous enough to seek a steady stream of victims, she laughs off accusations and drafts the creepy Ficzko (Blake Logan) to help her harvest more bodies. Ironically, it’s her scrupulous record keeping brings her down. Most bothersome is the Legendary Bathory. She lives by the old dictum “Show don’t Say” as she graphically strips, beats and murders of one young servant (Beth Harless), then pours blood on herself and most of the cast.

There’s a splatter zone, and it’s not just in the gallons of special effects. We’ve refined the bloody habits of past eras into the iconic cartoon world of Halloween. DiDonna forces us back to the roots of this apparently harmless tradition. Surrounded by stage violence, edited news reports, and special effects, we’ve lost the horror of sudden and senseless death. Bathory takes us back down into this Black Persona lurking inside of us, and while her motives are repellent, the Countess’s action do have a logic, twisted as it may be. Here’s the real splatter – we inflict painful, brutal death on each other for no reason other than “we can.” Whether you prefer to blame sin or statistical mechanics is of no import. It just happens. Now that’s scarier than anything Universal can pull out of its makeup kit.

For more information on Empty Spaces Theater Company, visit http://www.emptyspacestheatre.org

Most Happy Fella
By Frank Loesser
Directed by Ed Weaver
Starring John Mansell, Sara Barnes, Piper Rae Patterson, Dave Sucharski
UCF Conservatory Theater, Orlando FL

This seldom-done production seems to break many of the unwritten rules of musical theater – not everyone pairs up, disgust transforms to deep love without much motivation, and the big blowout numbers do little to push the plot forward. These problems were written in by Frank Loesser, but UCF’s massive crew makes them fade into the curtains with their sheer energy and skill. Tony (Mansell) finds the years slipping by, but a chance meeting with sweet voiced waitress Rosabella (Barnes) leads to a romance-by-US mail courtship. Tony’s nervous about his age and never goes to musical theater, so he foolishly sends a picture of his much younger assistant Joey (Sucharski) instead. When Rosabella arrives in rural Napa Valley, she discovers the deceit as Tony wrecks his truck and needs 12 weeks of close attention by any available young woman. I must have glanced away, but Rosabella immediately forgives Tony and latches on to him, even though Joey is cuter and much more interesting. Rosabella’s close friend Cleo (Patterson) drops in, mostly to meet uber-nice Herman (Taylor Jeffers) and sing the splashy but essentially irrelevant “Big D – Dallas” that keeps our toes tapping through intermission.

The story is weak and hackneyed, but director Weaver’s brilliant choreography of the 30-plus cast made spectacle plaster over the cracks in the story. The highlight of the many dance numbers was “Standing on the Corner” done as the Cotton Eyed Joe. The “Big D” rated a close second, as Cleo and Herman had a real stage chemistry. Still, Mansell’s Tony projected a persistent charm, and I’m completely stricken with Ms. Barnes’ voice and while the romance was iffy, they were the most enjoyable couple overall. Best supporting characters were the three chefs Pasqual, Ciccio, and Giuseppe (Benjamin Smith, Jason Clement, and Yaniv Zarif.) They sang, they danced, and they juggled cheese. It was more fun than any chain Italian restaurant.

Maybe Loesser was trying to break the Musical Comedy mold, but Tony’s older sister Maria (Megan Wiley) was a truly tragic – her every emotion was tied to her brother, and she’s set adrift for no good reason by his pursuit of Rosabella. Joey drifted off as well; he announced his intentions early on and stuck to them, although his biggest internal conflict was whether to stick around for dinner. “Most Happy Fella” gets Broadway revivals periodically and with mixed results. It’s an acceptable story, but not in the top 10 list for musicals. UCF shows they can make a mountain out of this molehill, and I congratulate them for that.

For more information on UCF Conservatory Theatre, visit
http://www.theatre.ucf.edu

The Mousetrap
By Agatha Christie
Directed by Larry Stallings
Greater Orlando Repertory Theatre, Orlando FL

Now I know where “Colonel Mustard in the Drawing Room with a Coal Scuttle” came from. A blizzard besets Monkwell Manor as young Mollie (Kimberly Luffman) and Giles (David Strauss) open for their first day of business as a guest house. The usual collection of red herrings and eccentric characters drift in with the snow – stiff Major Metcalf (Eric Kuritzky), blustering Mrs. Boyle (Paula Keenan), suave yet creepy Paravicini (Kevin Sigman), swishy Christopher Wren (Glen Howard) and sexy Miss Casewell (Sarah Lockard). Each has a secret, each has motive and opportunity, each may or may not be guilty of an offstage murder. It’s up to efficient Detective Trotter (Daniel Petrie) to sort it all out.

The show has a pleasant period charm, and fits well in the College Park church hall in which it’s staged. One problem that bedevils the show is inconsistent accents. Kuritzky and Strauss keep a stiff upper lip, but other cast members wanders in and out of British, or just gives up and speak American. As to acting, Petrie’s Trotter does the best job; he’s efficient, ruthless, and intimidating. Sigman’s Paravicini feels over the top as the Italian suspect without portfolio even as he avoids the pregnant question “Exactly where are you from?” If anyone stole the show, it was Mr. Howard – his role involved overacting, but some how he made more sense than anyone else. Odd things happen on stage as well – when characters wished to avoid Trotter’s questions, they either studied the elaborate set intensely, or like Lockard, went and stood in corners until the next scene.

Of course, I won’t give away the ending, but intermission discussions were surprisingly prescient and figuring out the killer never seems the real point of the show. We read and enjoy mysteries not so much to solve the puzzle, but to partially enter a dangerous world of words. Our bodies are never at risk, but we can pretend they are, and that’s worth the visit.

Parallel Lives
By Beverly Coyle and Bill Maxwell
Directed by Jerry Klein
Starring Peg O’Keefe and Joe Reed
Seminole Community College, Lake Mary, FL

Of the dozens of threads that make the warp and weft of American life, Racism is the one we always can pick out, no matter how much Clorox we pour on it. The topic gets revisited endlessly, from August Wilson to Spike Lee, and the same answer always floats to the surface – its bad, we hate it, and it ain’t going away anytime soon. Perhaps a few more generations will eliminate the KKK and the “those People” mentality, or perhaps new groups will fill these roles. Still, everyone has a story, and the collected memories of authors Coyle and Maxwell are as good as introduction as you will find to the history of race relations in Florida. While most of us live in the HOA and golf courses vision of central Florida, it wasn’t so long ago this was the “Lynching Belt” where a black man could be summarily shot by the simple statement “He raped a white woman.”

The genesis of Parallel Lives was a commission for two essays on the authors respective Coming of Age in the last days of Jim Crow. Bev Coyle grew up barley recognizing blacks existed while Maxwell suffered abuse that would make the Columbine shooting look like mild retributions. Pressed together by a state grant agency, their relation begins on a sour note – Coyle describes a minstrel show she wasn’t allowed to see, and Maxwell fumes about being the state’s token Black History Month speaker of choice. As the tour chugs along, we cover every aspect of race relations from lynching to poor service in fancy restaurants. It’s all been said before, but begs saying again, and the eloquence of these particular voices makes the story fresh and invigorating.

This high-fiber story is interesting on two levels – the stories move along briskly, and the author studiously keeps anything resembling a romance from flaring up. There are hints, certainly, but by the end Coyle and Maxwell part with a collegiate relation that carefully sidesteps any sexual tension. We’re not necessarily looking for a forbidden kiss, but the careful edited edges leave the question in the air – is interracial dating still a taboo, even on an enlighten Florida stage?

For more information on the Seminole Community College Theater program, please visit http://www.scc-fl.edu/arts/theatre/