Expect these and many more to be added to the comic book sound effects lexicon as Stan Lee takes on Paris Hilton. While I would much rather prefer that she be portrayed as a supervillain — or perhaps a supervillain’s bumbling assistant — Stan The Man is quite taken by our dashing young lady. See? Comics do rot your brain.

…there can only be one winner. That is, unless it’s something that keeps Michael Bay from making a movie. Then everybody wins!

Nobody saw this coming, but everyone empathizes, I’m sure.  Lindsey Lawrence, supremely inebriated and presumably up to here with all the drunker-than-Lindsey-Lohan references, took offense at some dude’s crooning of “Yellow” and used the opportunity to deck him. Usually, I obey the unwritten code of the media and do my best to leave karaoke gone wrong unreported, but Coldplay? Didn’t they get eaten by piranhas?