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Straight No Chaser

Sometimes it burns a little.

Archive for the 'Bad' Category

CD Review – The Original Cyndi (Hint: this album sucks balls)

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

(Title Unknown)

Self-Released

Reasons why this album sucks like an 8-lb. Oreck:

1. I’m not sure what the title of the album is. On the left spine is just the name of the band (possible self-titled album). On the right spine is “Abort Last Next Quit” which would be a really stupid title. And on the left front is “Command[TL=00:00:]:” which would be an even more ridiculous title.

2. It vaguely resembles music. There is a beat to the songs, but the singer just kind of talks/sings/yells in a Joe-Stummer-crossed-with-Marilyn-Manson kind of way. Tracks like “Locals on the 8” and “(Tales of) Unnecessary Surgery” are more like speeches with a simple drum beat in the background. I couldn’t get through the 17-track 44-minute eternity.

3. The cover has picture of some guy in his tighty-whiteys. The picture is cropped from the waist down. I really don’t want to see some anonymous dude’s bulge, especially when the cover predicts exactly what the album is going to sound like.

One Small Step

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

Another Shelter

Brightskull Records

A four-part, nine-song opus that sounds like The Postal Service on speed. It’s what would be played at a rave once everyone is tripping on acid and just wanting something to move to.

http://www.myspace.com/onesmallstep

The Hex Dispensers

Monday, January 7th, 2008

The Hex Dispensers

Alien Snatch Records

This trio is like a demonic Ramones. Fast, three-chord punk rock with tracks like “Tentacles!” “InsomniACK” and “Arsenic Milkshake,” that just blend into one another. This, however, I don’t think was ever needed.

http://www.myspace.com/hexdispensers

Recoil

Sunday, December 9th, 2007

subHuman

Mute

Oh Alan, what happened? I used to love Recoil. I used to love the electronica, loved your collaborations but this time, Alan- I can’t. You’re on your own with this one.  The combination of old southern blues with electronica just doesn’t cut it.  Each is lovely on their own, combining them just clashes.

Shelf Life

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007

Ductworks

Public Eyesore Records

This is for all of those avant-garde freaks that are too good for music, because there is none to be found in this 79 minute eternity…literally.

http://www.publiceyesore.com

The Scruffs

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Pop Manifesto

Scruffsville Records

Stephen Burns has rocked the Scruffs name and made it his own for the past 30 years. This is the one album that makes you wish he would hang it up.

http://www.thescruffs.com

Speed Kill Hate

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

Acts of Insanity

Escapi Music
What happens with you cross Overkill with Slayer and mix in a little groove? Speed Kill Hate is what happens. Loving the metal like I do, I wanted to like it, I was excited to first listen to it but, then reality set in. Nothing new, nothing innovative, nothing original. Same old faux deep lyrics as every other 90’s metal band.

Now I’m sad. I have to find something to lift my spirits. Perhaps Savatage and Biohazard will get together and make a record…… Savahazard? Biotage?

http://www.speedkillhate.com/

Josh English

Friday, July 20th, 2007

Scenes From A Bathroom Window

DVP Records

Brilliant lyricist, mediocre guitar player, voice that I found grating. If he would write these lyrics for someone with a smoother voice, it would be golden. But for Josh English, it’s just tin.

http://www.joshenglishmusic.com

Complicated Shirt

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

Compromising Compostitions

Alone Records

They make it a point to be (sigh) complicated, which makes them more annoying than anything.

 http://www.complicatedshirt.com

Holly & Plastic

Thursday, April 26th, 2007

Life After the Lie

Double Plus Good Records

For anybody who really wants to listen to an album just to see if they can get from beginning to end. It’s a random, jumbled cacophonous mess.

http://www.hollyandplastic.com