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Archive for August, 2007

Scott Baio is 45 and Single (VH1)- Episode 6

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

This is the long awaited(by me) episode where Baio tells his longtime friend, Johnny V. that he’s crossed the line, he’s too much and he has to lay low and not talk to him for a couple months.

This episode starts with Scott talking to Doc Ali and her wanting to meet his friends, Johnny V. and Steve. She also wants Scott to meet up with these twins that he and Johnny ‘dated’ at one time. Scott, Doc Ali and Johnny V. meet up on the beach, where Steve is with his fiancee and her 2 daughters. Doc chats with Steve and Johnny and of course, her chat with Johnny gets heated. It seems that Johnny is quite the ‘hanger on’ with Scott. For years, he’s just lived off Scott’s fame and his leftover women. He keeps Scott in this life that he’s trying to get out of.

At a pool hall/bar, Steve and Scott meet up with the Murrell Twins, and wow. They look like they’ve seen better days but yet they dress like they are still 20. One of them has no eyebrows or what looks like 4 hairs on her head. It’s very very scary looking. They have had some weird surgeries… lookin’ like some trout pout happening. They play a game, have a beer and make plans to meet up later for some mud wrestling. Well, to watch some mud wrestling.

Scott sees this meeting as a good opportunity to hook up a pre-bachelor party for Steve. They all meet up and Johnny V. ends up in the mud with 2 chicks. He gets rather carried away and runs over the sofa, yells and hugs Scott. At that point, Scott is done. I think he realized exactly what the past 25 years have been to Johnny V.

He talks with Doc Ali the following morning and they decide that they have to talk to Johnny V. to break this off in person. They meet him at the local deli to have lunch together, but you can see that Johnny feels ambushed. They both try to explain that Scott just wants to move on from that life that they’ve had for the last 25 years, but Johnny isn’t hearing it. You can see that Scott doesn’t want this to be an ugly situation but he isn’t being given much of a choice. Johnny is being rather defensive and argumentative about the whole situation. He just feels backed into a corner over the whole thing so Doc Ali leaves and lets Scott deal with his friend. Scott just tries to be honest but nice about things and Johnny can’t take it.  It doesn’t look like it’s been left in a great place.

The next episode appears to have Renee in there…. in some sort of verbal spar with Doc Ali. This could be interesting.

L.A Ink (TLC) Episodes 1 and 2

Friday, August 17th, 2007

I suppose I should preface this by saying I have never seen Miami Ink, nor did I want to.  The previews that I had seen annoyed me so much. The bald boss guy just looked like a prick.  Now, that’s just first judgement, for all I know, he could be the nicest guy on the planet but I didn’t give it that chance.

I decided to watch Kat Von D because she is first: talented, second: well connected and third: the perfect combination of tough rock chick and femininity.  I thought I’d give the first episode a shot, and see what’s what.   And hey, if I was gay, I’d totally do her.  Before I watched it, I used my superior Google-Fu skills and read some background on Kat and checked out images of her tattoos.  She does some really great portrait tattoos, they aren’t my cup of tea….but artistically they are great.  The list of recipients of her tattoos is like a celebrity who’s who and in the first episode actor Eric Balfour (24, Six Feet Under and my favorite- Kids Incorporated!) gets a very meaningful tattoo reflecting his love of L.A.   In the second episode, it’s Steve-O’s turn for a tatt from Kat.  He choses a portrait of himself when he was 2 years old.  Odd choice, but hey, it’s Steve-O and the tattoo was really good work.

Her crew, as she calls them, are made up of some really incredible tattoo artists and Kat was smart enough to pick people that have different styles.  There’s Corey,her long time friend and mentor with 25 years under his belt who specializes in old style black and grey tattoos.  Kim, 16 years experience, who is more colorful and sweeping in her tattoos.  She’s really into Yoga and art nouveau and it shows in her work.  Hannah, a single mom who’s brother Guy is a tattoo artist also.   She’s known for her colorful and bold tattoos, great pin-up work and pieces of Americana.  The last of Kat’s trusted crew is Pixie, her long time friend and shop manager. Pixie doesn’t tattoo but she’s a brilliant go-getter and freelance make up artist.  She’s someone that Kat can trust to handle the shop business so I’d say that she has the most significant job in the place.

During the first two episodes, Kat was dealing with the contractor to get the shop opened as soon as possible.  She had Hannah and Kim move from Chicago and they had no where to work.  It was starting to worry Kim and she was second guessing her decision to come on board.  They were all working sporadically out of Corey’s shop but they were ready to have their own place.  Finally at the end of the second show, the shop was done and Kat gave the inaugural tattoo to the well deserving contractor.  The shop is well fitted, stylish and just the right amount of tacky.

In the next episode, it’s the grand opening of the shop- it’s time for Kat and her crew to get down to business and the world will be watching.

Mission:Man Band (VH1) Episode 2

Friday, August 17th, 2007

The guys get some music from their new producer, who has done Mary J, Usher and some other R&B songsters, and they try to write lyrics and a melody to it.  It’s pretty bad….nothing that I think they could actually record.

Katie gets a personal trainer for Bryan since he’s tippin’ the scales at 3 large. But his long term drinking problem rears it’s ugly head already.  He blows off the 2nd session with the trainer because he’s still drunk in the morning when she shows up.  Chris throws them a party at his house and not only did Bryan drink, he drank the entire next day. Chris had a talk with him about it, and how Bryan asked them to keep him drinking but it didn’t seem to help.

Katie told them that they have a gig booked already…the halftime show at an Orlando Magic game.  One song.  One chance for it to go horribly wrong.

Mission:Man Band (VH1) Episode 1

Friday, August 17th, 2007

I swear by all that is holy, within the first 2 minutes, I was giggling. I know that this is going to be ridiculous.  Rich Cronin is a complete twat. You’d think that with his battle with leukemia he’d have a better outlook on life and the Color Me Badd guy, Bryan Abrams is a tool who lives in Oklahoma stacking tires for a living.  Those two are so serious that it makes me kinda sad.   The 98 Degrees guy, Jeff Timmons is at least still kinda hot and has been working in the music industry behind the scenes….and Chris Kirkpatrick is entertaining and from the looks of his house, he’s not doing too bad…  it’s like putting 2 diseased cows in a pasture with 2 healthy ones. Let’s see if any of these bovines survive.

They meet up with their prospective manager, who is a total steel balled blonde. She’s not going to let these clowns get the better of her, which is a rather interesting dynamic.  She wants them to sing a few bars of “Every Breath You Take” by The Police, and they all band together and say no. But the weakness for boobs prevails for all but Jeff who stands firm.

Jeff is very reluctant to stay and do this and is up all night thinking about it.  He is ready to throw in the towel, with Katie, the manager, sends them for a Native American ritual for new beginnings and then he’s sucked in.  All 4 of them were really moved by the ritual and are gungho Man Banders now.

The Dead Zone (USA)

Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

I have seen every episode of this show but…
I do not like Stephen King – his novels or the movies based on them.
I love Anthony Michael Hall and think that the geek from Sixteen Candles is now hot.
I drug my heels kicking and screaming not to like this show.

The Dead Zone is now on Epi 9 of this, what is supposed to be the last, season.  Bruce still hasn’t made his appearance, so I’m hoping that comes soon.   It’s just not the same without him.  But, dayum, this show is getting good…getting back to the way it was and getting deeper into this mystery with Walt.  I think it’s all a set up from Janus, but… we’ll see.   It’s still juicy stuff!

Johnny and Sheriff Turner are on an even field for the moment, but I think something is going to push that over a slope soon.  Sarah and JJ are still living with Johnny and Johnny is still in love with her.  Sarah found out that Johnny had a vision the day Walt died and that he couldn’t stop it, so now she’s thinking there is no future for them.  But, he’ll change her mind…hey, AMH could change my mind!

I think that shortly they are going to have to start trying to wrap up the Stilson storyline because we are 9 in with only 4 eps left.  I’d be okay with them not really wrapping that up though, I always thought that the shows with one mystery solved worked out better.  When the Stilson story was in full swing and I was getting into it, they sort of eased off of it, and then it was only an occasion episode.   That really confused a lot of people I think, and that might have been why the ratings dropped in past seasons.

There is so much speculation out there among the die hard fans of the show as to how it will all end.    Hmmm, perhaps Walt isn’t dead at all?  And… did you notice the names of the episodes this season? Hint- first letter of each.   All this mystery, hopefully will unfold soon.

Scott Baio is 45 and Single (VH1)- Episode 5

Monday, August 13th, 2007

Doc Ali is reaching her breaking point, I do believe.  She seems to be getting a little testy with Scott when he starts moaning about how he thinks marriage is bad, and it is the woman spending money while the man is all hunched over with a belly…etc…etc.  It’s rather funny to see Scott try to walk around like that but it’s on Doc Ali’s last nerve.  She wants Scott to go and talk to his old ‘bed buddy’ Connie.  To do the standard dissection of their relationship, so Scott can feel even more like a failure – God Bless Doc Ali.

Scott takes Connie to dinner and you can tell that back in the day she was a looker.  She tells Scott that he’s sterile, passionless and callus.  I mean, what did she want? She was the man’s booty call for like 15 years!  She agreed to that kind of relationship and now she wants to tell him that he was never emotionally intimate with her?  He’s SCOTT BAIO…he’s been banging chicks for over 20 years without emotional attachment.  He’s the epitome of bachelor.  Stuff like that cracks me up.  The best is when she was describing what she thought his day was like…’you get up, get out your black book and start booking your appointments for the day.  ‘  Haha, then she told him how he would double book himself and he admitted that he would be calling one while he was on his way to one.  Total player.

Her other piece of work for Scott is a ‘cuddle party’.

Two Words
Cuddle Party.

I mean, apparently these things really exist and Scott was going to one.  He brought Steve and Johnny V with him because God forbid Baio go it alone!  Johnny V the total sponge brings condoms because he thinks that it’s a cover for an orgy.  When they arrive it’s so weird, all these strangers in their jammies who want to hug, massage and cuddle each other in a non-sexual way to overcome intimacy issues.  Hey, isn’t intimacy overrated anyway?  Because I’m totally not hugging strangers let alone spooning with them.  Anyway- Scott does it, and actually has a meaningful conversation with some chick he’s spooning with.  He doesn’t think it was so bad but I don’t see this as his new favorite Friday night activity.

The coming attractions for this coming weeks episode seem fantastic.  This is when the whole Johnny V thing blows up. Doc Ali doesn’t want Scott around him anymore and even calls their relationship toxic.  We’ll get to see Johnny V whine like a girl about losing his “Scott Baio Time”.  Can’t wait.

The Two Coreys (A&E) Episode 3- Cold Turkey

Sunday, August 12th, 2007

This whole episode is about the Corey’s and their failed attempts to quit smoking.  I had thought that Feldman was a new non smoker just like his wife, but alas he’s been sneaking smokes behind both of their backs.  Haim busts him and they say that they are going to quit but just can’t seem to.  Having been there, I know that feeling but ….  The Mrs. catches them smoking and finds ways for them to quit, one being a hypnotist. They both walk out of the guys office and light up.

Her next idea is a sweat lodge with an Indian.  Brilliant. You just know that this is going to be worth the watch.  They go there, and it’s basically a blue tarp over some blankets.  They go in there with the Indian guide who honestly, looks like an Italian butcher, and they start asking for help with the smoking.  It turns into the Corey’s having an emotionfest in the steam, telling each other the crappy things they did to each other and how bad they felt.  While they are in there, verbally stroking each other, the Mrs. is out with her girlfriends getting a little tipsy and playing pool.  The Corey’s come home to an empty house and the co-dependant Feldman is getting worried because his Mrs. wouldn’t leave without a note and wouldn’t stay out this late.  (They can’t wipe their own asses without the other one, I am finding out throughout this show. )  She’s tipsy, he takes her upstairs after a few jokes about taking advantage of the drunk girl, and the Feldman’s are off.

And Haim…. goes outside and lights up.

The Two Coreys (A&E) Episode 2- Lost Boys

Sunday, August 12th, 2007

Yup, you read it right- Lost Boys.  During this episode Haim is constantly saying how they need to write the sequel and do it fast while there is so much interest in the movie. I swear he must bring it up 10 times in 10 minutes.

They are having a 20th anniversary screening for the Lost Boys and of course, the Coreys will be there.  The guy that played one of the Frog Brothers was there too but that’s it.  No Kiefer Sutherland, no Alex Winters,Jami Gertz, no Jason Patrick, no Edward Hermann- nope just the singular Frog and the 2 Coreys.  Sad, huh? But of course there are a zillion people to see this thing, and participate in the 20 year celebration of a mediocre movie.  Haim is pissed because Feldman’s wife is there, and she wrote her name on the movie poster. I can’t say I blame him for that one, after all, the ho wasn’t in the movie…she wasn’t even around then so she really needed to take that step back and let her husband do his job without her.   That should have been the Corey’s moment without her gleaning the spotlight.

The biggest heartbreak of the episode was watching Haim’s pain when he found out that there was a Lost Boys 2 and they were doing it without the Coreys.  He says he’s going for a walk and you can just see the pain and desperation on his face.  I thought he was going to fall off the wagon here and get high again but turns out he didn’t.  You aren’t sure if this traumatic moment is going to kick him in to high gear to move forward positively or set him way back into the dark years.

The Mrs. gets a photo shoot in this magazine for FHM’s Sexiest Housewives.  She does look cute but the best part is that in one shot, she’s laying on a desk, and underneath her are all these different pictures of Feldman throughout the years, and there seems to be a few Haim pictures in there. Feldman notices and cracks the hell up.

There was a storybook ending to this episode though, Haim is out walking, the Feldman’s are worried about him because of his state of mind and he comes back with a gorgeous present. Says it’s a late wedding gift and a thank you for all their support.   It was a nice gesture but I can’t wait for the next outburst.  The fighting needs to commence, I hate to say it, but that’s what we are watching this for!

Scott Baio is 45 and Single (VH1)- Episode 4

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Doc Ali’s assignments for this week are for Scott to visit an ex named Sheila and talk with her about parenting, spend some time in a preschool and meet Renee’s daughter.  Can ya feel the trauma coming?

Scott finally runs into a brick wall with one of his ex’s. Sheila harbors some ill will and talks total crap to him. She makes him wait outside for her, she rolls her eyes, dismisses everything he says and you can just feel the ugly rolling off her.  She flat out tells him that he shouldn’t get married and have kids.  She doesn’t think that him having kids is a good idea.  Apparently, when they were shagging, he just showed up one day with Pamela Anderson and that’s how she knew she was a goner.  Not exactly a smooth move there, Mr. Baio.

He hits the preschool that Doc Ali sets up for him and honestly, I don’t think he does too badly there.  He isn’t horrible with the kids but you can tell he doesn’t have a lot of experience with kids of this age.  I think in time, he’d be just fine.

He takes his chumps to Costco to buy a present for Renee’s daughter. Not exactly where I would have told him to go and he ends up getting her some convection oven/microwave thing because she’s 17 and going off to college next year.  I think the kid would have preferred an IPod or something…. I mean, really…kitchen appliances? For the first meeting of a 17 year old girl of the woman you are dating?

At Renee’s place, Scott seems genuinely thrilled to be seeing Renee at all.  He tries to sneak a little nookie but, Renee isn’t playing that when her daughter is going to walk in any moment.   He takes the daughter shopping – which is a much better idea than a toaster oven thing – and while they are in a store, some teenage cassanova comes over and starts flirting.  It’s pretty funny to see Scott’s guard go up as he eyes the kid with total recognition. He knows the kid’s game since he was the master at it.  I think that little bit of protectiveness was a good thing and perhaps, God help me for saying it, Scott might be growing up.   The daughter puts him on the spot a few times with questions about infidelity, marriage and warnings not to hurt her mom.  Scott says as he drops her off, that if he married Renee it would be like having Doc Ali for a stepdaughter…and that wouldn’t be so bad.

The teaser for the next episode involves midgets, pajamas and backrubs. Oh, yeah…

The Pick-Up Artist (VH1)

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Oh, help me, I can’t stop laughing! Seriously, this 90’s bar whore thinks he’s the master? I remember in the 90’s hanging in the bars and seeing dudes like him trolling.  I mean the goggles on the head, the furry hats, the shoulder length Eddie Vedder hair, the paisley silky shirts first 3 buttons open with the obligatory crucifix. Reminds me of this guy who shall remain nameless (his initials are G.M.) in the clubs in Orlando back in the day.  The only women that are falling for this guys lines are the total club chicks–daddy issues and all.

The premise for the current VH1 beautiful disaster is that Mystery, the greatest pick-up artist, has these 8 guys, that are total nerdballs.  He’s going to teach them his secrets of seduction. Of course, he’s going to eliminate them one by one until there is one left..the one who he will give the title “Master Pick-Up Artist”.

Thanks VH1 for another useless piece of shit show that I can’t stop watching.